Valentine's Day

Valentine’s: A Semi-Annual Call To Consciousness

Valentine’s Day: Mmmmm or Yikes?

Valentine’s Day is often synonymous with romantic love. It is an opportunity to demonstrate how much our romantic partner means to us, and for them to show us how important we are to them.

That is if all is going well.

If things aren’t going well in our romantic relationships, then it may be a time that partners come to dread.

That is why I call Valentine’s Day: The Great Semi-Annual Call To Consciousness!

Because in our culture, there is almost no way to avoid all of the indications that Valentine’s Day is upon us.

It has come to be one of those retail holidays that happen almost like clockwork. You know, the day after Boxing Day, let’s haul out the red hearts and prepare people to shop for Valentine’s Day.

Okay, it is not quite that bad. But sometimes retailers tend to get a little overzealous with their advanced holiday preparations. Maybe it’s just me, but I can swear that this year I saw both Hallowe’en AND Christmas decorations in the same store at once.

But I digress… getting back to Valentine’s Day….

You Just Can’t Avoid It

And for this reason, I think this is why we tend to see a lot of relationship problems coming to the surface, if not exploding around Feb. 14th.

It seems like Christmas and Valentine’s Day are these two semi-annual calls to consciousness, that almost seem to force us to take stock of our lives, and to see where we are at, and often times consider how happy we are in our romantic relationships.

I think that a lot of romantic relationships may break up before Valentine’s Day, rather than have one or both partners pretend that the feelings are still there.

Some couples may decide to make token gestures, offering the Hallmark card and a small gift, just to avoid having to face up to long standing issues in the hopes of buying the peace. But in my opinion these gestures just cover up the problems that are there. But then again, maybe these small gestures keep the relationship together while we plan for a better time and place to address longstanding issues.

Either Consciously Or Unconsciously?

Either way, it is likely that these simmering issues are going to come to the surface one day in some way, maybe not how we would like to handle them.

For this reason, I would recommend making a plan to deliberately address those issues that are keeping you and your loved one apart, or not as close as you would like to be with each other.

Whether that plan be:

  • Asking them to sit down and talk
  • Writing them a letter or an email
  • Talking to them on the phone
  • Talking to a trusted friend or counsellor to sort out your end of things
  • Inviting your partner to see a counsellor to work on your combined issues

Whichever way you choose, I would recommend in-person if you are able to, choose other means if that is the best that you can do, but I highly recommend that you address the issues that are coming between you.

Issues don’t usually go away over time on their own. Some differences we can learn to live with. Others can be like grains of sand continuously eroding the romantic bonds of your relationship.

Amazingly, there is research that has been done that has concluded that when some couples divorced, either 20 or 30 years down the road, the issues that often led to the couple parting ways were often present in the beginning of the relationship!

Why not give each other the greatest gift that you can give and work on mending your relationship?

If you don’t like the idea of “working” on your relationship, you can call it “building” a more solid foundation for each other. Call it what you will, but maybe it is time to address those longstanding issues and get your relationship back to the place where it felt good.

Why settle for good? Maybe with some “work”, “building”, call it what you will, the two of you can get your relationship to GREAT!

I wish you all a very happy Valentine’s Day, and that you are able to approach each other with open hearts and minds.

This Valentine’s Day, let us:

  • Awaken more
  • Listen more
  • Speak from our hearts more
  • Laugh more
  • Feel joyful more
  • And last but not least, Love more!

If you would like some help in awakening, and addressing some of those longstanding issues in your romantic relationship, please give me a call and I will be happy to accompany you upon your journey.

Happy Valentine’s Day!


P.S. The name of the beautiful marble statue that is the picture for this post is called: Psyche Revived By Cupid’s Kiss. Maybe Valentine’s really is the time to rekindle love!



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About Ron Lafleur

I am a counsellor in private practice specializing in couples therapy.

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