Vulnerability Makes The Difference!

Vulnerability

Vulnerability Is Key

Quite often in our lives, we may find ourselves stuck, whether it be in our romantic life, at work / business, or in life in general, and yet not realize that a solution is at hand: Vulnerability.

But it may not be what we are looking for, so we discard it.

We may want something that will make us more:

  • knowledgeable
  • powerful
  • looked up to / respected
  • on top of things
  • in control

What Lies Hidden

One surprising strategy or technique that we rarely resort to, is to allow ourselves to be vulnerable.

And it is not so much a “strategy” or a “technique”, as it is a deepening / a movement towards greater authenticity.

Or as Brene Brown would say in her book Rising Strong:

People who wade into discomfort and vulnerability and tell the truth about their stories are the real badasses.

It takes great courage to allow oneself to be vulnerable in a moment of not-knowing or uncertainty.  I can’t help but wonder how many moments and powerful breakthroughs are lost, because of our inability to stay in a place of not-knowing, and to collectively express our vulnerability.

But if it is “certainty” that we seek, perhaps we are looking in the wrong place.

As the Buddhists are fond of saying:

The only thing that is permanent is impermanence.

Openness And Vulnerability Guide The Way

Perhaps it is in our very admitting of “not-knowing”, that we finally find a touchstone that is solid, that will help us guide the way?

Few of us consider it in our day to day lives, but the history of our world and species is populated by theories and systems that have become outdated, and have been replaced by brand new paradigms and ways of seeing and explaining the world.

And yet, nearly every day we are inundated by new theories or books that are definitely THE last word on the subject.

Until the next last word on the subject that is.

But what never ceases to amaze me is how easily we are seduced into believing: Yes! This is it! This pulls it all together and makes sense of everything!

Perhaps it is just me. But I think not, as there was a time that there were a lot of “Flat Earthers” out there, and psychoanalysts, and behaviorists, and laissez-faire economists, that is until the great bailout of 2008. Not to worry though, they are still out there preaching how “efficient” the invisible hand of the market is.

Just remember that though, the next time they come cap in hand, looking for billions if not trillions in government “stimulus”.

Vulnerability Just May Be The Thing

Perhaps we don’t know how it all works all the time?

Perhaps?  Maybe “humility” is what this post ought to be about?

The next time you are looking for some certainty in this uncertain world, perhaps the idea might be to jot down your assumptions and to present them as such for all to see, and then to invite comment and participation and come together in resolving a common problem.

But… that may mean letting go of the credit for “solving” the big problem. But that may be a much more comfortable and more powerful place in the long run, than going out on a limb and pretending that we “know”.

Vulnerability In Relationships

This is where “vulnerability” shines. In relationships vulnerability becomes a great source of courage and a strong connection and intimacy builder.

The next time your partner or someone you are speaking with says something that seems a bit “out there” or different from what you are expecting, take a moment to be open, to consider what they are saying. Resist that knee-jerk reaction to make a funny face, or to say “what?”

And what you will get… is that you just might find yourself entering new and uncharted territory, and entering a place with your partner that you have never visited before because you were searching for “certainty”.

Vulnerability tends to beget more vulnerability and openness.

I can almost assure you, but I don’t know for sure… that vulnerability is the place of connection.

Try it. You may be surprised at the results you get.

Has pretending to be super-human gotten us that far? Has it been a place of comfort and rest?

  • Show up
  • Be real
  • Be vulnerable
  • Connect

And watch things happen….

 

If you think that you would like some help in becoming more open and vulnerable in your life, I think that I may be able to help you.  :)

How To Deal With Uncertainty …

Dealing With Uncertainty

Uncertainty
Wikipedia Commons

Uncertainty: No matter which direction we look in these days, there seems to be a great deal of uncertainty. Here are just a sample of some of the issues, and the types of uncertainty that we are facing on a daily basis:

  • A general election (political)
  • Price of oil, our dollar, jobs (economic)
  • Weather variations (meteorological)
  • Health concerns (wellness)
  • Relationship challenges (social)

The cumulative effect of all of this uncertainty can result in a growing sense of unease and anxiety!

Key Drivers Of Anxiety

The main drivers for anxiety are:

  • fear of the future
  • uncertainty

Any time that we are feeling anxious, we can be certain that our minds are in the future, AND facing the possibility of some uncertain event. Once the thing that we are worried about has happened or come to pass, then we are no longer anxious about it, and no longer uncertain.

Uncertainty: A Key Element Of Life 

On the surface it may appear that life seems very uncertain at times. One can wonder, is it really uncertain, or is it that we don’t know enough about how things work? Scientists are speculating that the behaviour of electrons are haphazard, and that an electron may show up in a random unexpected location.

Is this so, or do we still not know enough about the behaviour of electrons?

Have our lives become so uncertain because they have become so complex?

Several centuries ago, life may have seemed far more simple, as there may have been much less contact between peoples and places. But nevertheless, certain elements eluded explanation, such as the weather because of a lack of knowledge and technology. Today what most of us take for granted, a simple weather forecast, would have been a great pronouncement a couple of centuries ago!

Uncertainty And The Time Horizon

The amount of uncertainty that we are faced with, seems directly proportional to how far out in time we go, and how many factors are involved.

If I were to wonder about what I was going to have for lunch in 10 minutes from now, that could easily be resolved by making a decision, and thus ending my uncertainty.

On the other hand, if I were wondering what I was going to do for the rest of my life, then that would be a very complex issue, with great uncertainty due to a lot of time and many many factors involved.

What Lies Before Us

Perhaps one of the best ways of dealing with uncertainty can best be described by a quote by St. Francis of Assisi:

Start by doing what is necessary; then do what is possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible.

Doing What Is Necessary

No matter what the mind may conjure up or think of, the thing to do, is always to do what is necessary!

So therefore the problem of “how to deal with uncertainty” resolves itself into figuring out “what is necessary“.

How To Determine What Is Necessary

Determining what is necessary, will require determining what is necessary in the moment. The mere task of focusing on the present moment resolves one’s sense of anxiety because one is no longer focused on the future!

Then the task becomes one of deciding. Which involves bringing the brain to focus among one of several possibilities.

The task of choosing requires a good criteria for making a choice.

The best criteria that I know for making a choice is: that which maximizes needs.

Once a choice has been found that will maximize needs, be they the needs of one, or the needs of the many, then the next element is to execute the decision.

Thus we find, that in taking action, bit by bit we are resolving our uncertainty and creating our future one step at a time.

Failing to take action, gives over power and direction for our life into the hands of someone else, who may be more than ready to take action to meet their needs!

Conclusion

  • Uncertainty exists in the future
  • Understanding how something works can eliminate uncertainty
  • Be in the moment
  • Choose a criteria
  • Then make a decision
  • ACT!  Do something!
  • Witness the results
  • If you don’t like the results, choose or try again!

But remember, permit yourself to try, to learn, to find out how things work. We can only fail when we have stopped trying.

If you would like help in dealing with uncertainty, please feel free to contact me to set up an appointment.