Vulnerability Is Key
Quite often in our lives, we may find ourselves stuck, whether it be in our romantic life, at work / business, or in life in general, and yet not realize that a solution is at hand: Vulnerability.
But it may not be what we are looking for, so we discard it.
We may want something that will make us more:
- looked up to / respected
- on top of things
- in control
What Lies Hidden
One surprising strategy or technique that we rarely resort to, is to allow ourselves to be vulnerable.
And it is not so much a “strategy” or a “technique”, as it is a deepening / a movement towards greater authenticity.
Or as Brene Brown would say in her book Rising Strong:
People who wade into discomfort and vulnerability and tell the truth about their stories are the real badasses.
It takes great courage to allow oneself to be vulnerable in a moment of not-knowing or uncertainty. I can’t help but wonder how many moments and powerful breakthroughs are lost, because of our inability to stay in a place of not-knowing, and to collectively express our vulnerability.
But if it is “certainty” that we seek, perhaps we are looking in the wrong place.
As the Buddhists are fond of saying:
The only thing that is permanent is impermanence.
Openness And Vulnerability Guide The Way
Perhaps it is in our very admitting of “not-knowing”, that we finally find a touchstone that is solid, that will help us guide the way?
Few of us consider it in our day to day lives, but the history of our world and species is populated by theories and systems that have become outdated, and have been replaced by brand new paradigms and ways of seeing and explaining the world.
And yet, nearly every day we are inundated by new theories or books that are definitely THE last word on the subject.
Until the next last word on the subject that is.
But what never ceases to amaze me is how easily we are seduced into believing: Yes! This is it! This pulls it all together and makes sense of everything!
Perhaps it is just me. But I think not, as there was a time that there were a lot of “Flat Earthers” out there, and psychoanalysts, and behaviorists, and laissez-faire economists, that is until the great bailout of 2008. Not to worry though, they are still out there preaching how “efficient” the invisible hand of the market is.
Just remember that though, the next time they come cap in hand, looking for billions if not trillions in government “stimulus”.
Vulnerability Just May Be The Thing
Perhaps we don’t know how it all works all the time?
Perhaps? Maybe “humility” is what this post ought to be about?
The next time you are looking for some certainty in this uncertain world, perhaps the idea might be to jot down your assumptions and to present them as such for all to see, and then to invite comment and participation and come together in resolving a common problem.
But… that may mean letting go of the credit for “solving” the big problem. But that may be a much more comfortable and more powerful place in the long run, than going out on a limb and pretending that we “know”.
Vulnerability In Relationships
This is where “vulnerability” shines. In relationships vulnerability becomes a great source of courage and a strong connection and intimacy builder.
The next time your partner or someone you are speaking with says something that seems a bit “out there” or different from what you are expecting, take a moment to be open, to consider what they are saying. Resist that knee-jerk reaction to make a funny face, or to say “what?”
And what you will get… is that you just might find yourself entering new and uncharted territory, and entering a place with your partner that you have never visited before because you were searching for “certainty”.
Vulnerability tends to beget more vulnerability and openness.
I can almost assure you, but I don’t know for sure… that vulnerability is the place of connection.
Try it. You may be surprised at the results you get.
Has pretending to be super-human gotten us that far? Has it been a place of comfort and rest?
- Show up
- Be real
- Be vulnerable
And watch things happen….
If you think that you would like some help in becoming more open and vulnerable in your life, I think that I may be able to help you.