Relationship Post-Valentine’s Now What?

The Relationship Goes On, Or It Doesn’t!

Relationship recovery, relationship growth, or relationship endings!

These are likely to be the results that a lot of us are faced with after going through Valentine’s Day as a couple.

So here we are on the other side of Valentine’s Day. Hopefully most of us made it through.

Some of us will have made it through with our romantic relationships in tact.

Some will have even grown closer through celebrating Valentine’s Day with their sweetheart. A lot of you will have.

And some… unfortunately not so lucky.

But perhaps for those whose relationships did not survive Valentine’s Day, it may be a good thing, perhaps in time you may consider it a blessing as time does its healing work.

But for now…. things just may feel terrible… awful… and you may find yourself consumed with such thoughts as:

  • How could he / she have left me, or dumped me like that?
  • How could they have beat me to it?!
  • How could I have been so blind as to not see… X, Y, or Z, or XY and Z!!!
  • What was I thinking when I thought this could actually work?
  • Will this pain ever end?
  • And… will I ever love again?

Post Valentine’s Day breakups can be difficult.

Heck, breakups are difficult at any time of the year!

But they seem to be that much more difficult around Valentine’s Day, because of all of the romantic symbolism and high expectations that surround this holiday.

As in my previous post, Valentine’s: A Semi-Annual Call To Consciousness, I alluded to Valentine’s Day’s allure, and its great possibility for waking up previously slumbering relationships, and how unmet relationship difficulties can often come to a head.

Well, here we are on the other side… hopefully your relationship has survived and you were able to show that special loved one just how important they are to you, and hopefully you got a chance to see how important you are to them.

What If Your Relationship Ended?

But if that wasn’t the case, and your relationship was one of those that didn’t make it through, please don’t despair, take the time to grieve the loss of your love relationship.

Some of the following steps may come in handy to help you through this difficult time:

  • Take it easy with alcohol and other substances. You likely feel bad enough as it is. A clouded consciousness could make you do something you will regret. Substances like alcohol tend to give a short boost, but in the long term are depressants.
  • Treat yourself well. Feeling like you have just been dumped doesn’t mean that you also have to treat yourself badly. This is a time for self-love and acceptance. Just because someone didn’t find you to be a compatible match to them, doesn’t mean that you are flawed. You just weren’t for them. And when you find somebody you click with, you will be more than happy you took good care of yourself in this difficult time. Try things like eating well, getting enough sleep, exercise, being in the company of friends, family and supportive people.
  • Take the time to grieve your lost love relationship. Often not taking the time to properly grieve a recent breakup, and tumbling into another new relationship, can lead to problems as these unprocessed feelings start to crop up in your new relationship. You may think that just because your ex-partner has moved on really quickly into a new relationship, that they are fully healed and over your relationship, and that it meant nothing to them. But love is more of a marathon, and while it may look like they have dashed out of the gates, they may stumble and fall. Take the time to heal and be fully ready for when love comes knocking upon your door again. And it will. Just like it has in the past.
  • Learn from your past relationship. This may be difficult when we are so filled with hurt, and anger, and are caught up in blaming our ex-partner for what happened. The problem with blame, is that if we do succeed in making it ALL our ex-partner’s fault, then we have no other option but to assume the role of “victim”, and that things just happened to us. There can be no empowerment or long term good feelings in making oneself a victim. Chances are that the end of our relationships were more than about what one person did. It is usually a multi-causal chain of events that led to the end of the relationship. As the saying goes… “there is usually more than one side to a story.”
  • If you were the victim of abuse however, then please by all means seek professional help or guidance to help you heal from the traumatic experience that you have been through. With professional help you can reclaim your life and get stronger, and heal yourself from the toxic effects of abuse. Please bear in mind, abuse is not just physical, it can also be emotional.

In conclusion, if you’ve made it this far beyond Valentine’s Day, that’s a good sign. It shows your resilience and your willingness to go on, and to heal from your heartache. But remember, there is no need to go it alone.

Help is available to you from friends, family and professional support. Every one around you has likely gone through one heartbreak or another, or likely will in the future. Let people help you. There is no shame in feeling pain. And besides, you can always return the favour and be there for them later on, should they need a compassionate ear, or a shoulder to lean on.

If you are in need of help getting through a post-Valentine’s breakup, please do not hesitate to contact me or give me a call. It would be my pleasure to help you find yourself again, and to make a new start.

Spring is around the corner. It is a time for starting over.

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