Listen Until You Feel Understood (LUFU)

Listening and Feeling Validated

Quick relationship tip, but one that is so powerful for defusing rapidly escalating arguments and conflicts.

One of the things that can cause partners to spiral off is when they do not feel properly understood and thus validated in discussions which can soon turn into arguments.

A technique presented by Jason Gaddis at The Relationship School is to try to Listen Until your partner Feels Understood, hence the abbreviation LUFU.

What tends to happen when partners feel understood and validated is that their tone of voice usually moderates and descends. 

This is something I think we have all felt when we have had a heated discussion and someone took the time to inquire and ask us about what we were upset about, and really truly took the time and patience to try and understand. When we feel understood there is almost a natural soothing that takes place and this can be something that is not only valuable, but powerful in your discussions with not only your romantic partner, but anyone that you are discussing with.

Unfortunately what often happens is that we may without realizing it start off with what appears to be a blaming or accusatory tone and our partners take it for being attacked and consequently they respond by defending. This usually serves to only make the initiating partner or person feel that much more perturbed because instead of feeling heard and understood they feel invalidated.

Important to note that how we usually end up starting off our discussions will usually have a big impact on the energy we receive in return. John Gottman speaks of beginning discussions with a “gentle start” which can go a long way to having a fruitful and productive discussion.

Next time your partner brings up an issue you can ensure that they are fully heard by trying to listen to them and asking questions until they feel fully heard. When they feel fully heard their emotions will lower and they will calm down and then it will be your turn to respond to what has been said and how it has affected you.

Turn-taking and providing respect to each other can go a long way in resolving disputes as opposed to blaming and defending.

Feel free to leave a comment below on your experiences with trying out LUFU in your relationship.

Namaste

 

Sulking in Relationships

Sulking: Failing to Explain Ourselves 

So often in romantic relationships, we can get into trouble with one another by expecting our romantic partner to read our minds. In the early part of getting to know each other this tactic may work much to our surprise as we are discovering all of the things we have in common.

Unfortunately, as the following video on sulking demonstrates, we often resort to getting quiet and withdrawing when our partner fails to read our mind and “guess” what is bothering us.

Perhaps as so aptly demonstrated in the video we ought to not make our loved ones work so hard to try and guess what is bothering us. 

Why don’t we just TELL them what is bothering us?

Hmmm… now that might be too easy. 

Wouldn’t that require us to forego a lot of attention and drama, and making them suffer for not quickly guessing what it is that is bothering us?

Yes, it would.

And perhaps when we told them what is bothering us, then perhaps we can move towards resolving it and feeling close again.

It may be good for us to remember that we are fortunate that our partners love and care for us, and support us. Do we really want to add the extra burden of having them need to read our minds as well?

Try and remember this the next time you are tempted to withdraw and sulk away from your partner. Tell them and trust that they will want to work things out with you. If they don’t, then that is another matter altogether.

Welcome To 2017

Happy 2017

Happy New Year 2017!

Congratulations! 2017 You made it! No small feat. A lot of people,

many of them rich and famous are not so fortunate.

Now that we’ve made it, now what are we going to do?

It might be helpful to take a moment and take stock of certain things,

things that we can hopefully be grateful for:

  • Our Health
  • Family
  • Relationships
  • Friends
  • Finances
  • Gratitude in general

Attitude Makes The Difference

A good positive healthy attitude is probably the best way that I can think

of to start the year off right.

Coincidentally, the words “gratitude” and “attitude” sound an awful lot alike.

And one can add to the other I think. 

An attitude of gratitude can go a long way.

For example, recent research has found that being grateful can enhance our

level of dopamine. Dopamine is one of the brain’s key feel good neurotransmitters!

Imagine that, just by feeling grateful for what we have, be it the people, our

health, or our material resources, we can enhance how we feel.

 

It has been suggested that no matter what our situation, if we look carefully

that we can always find something to be grateful for.  I know that sounds like

a stretch at times, but it may be an interesting experiment to try. 

 

Each day upon waking up, and every night as we go to bed, imagine what it

would be like to try and list at least one thing that we are grateful for!

If we want to get all scientific about it, we can jot down how we feel before

the “experiment”, and then how we feel at the end of 30 days.

What have we got to lose if you think about?

 

Most of the time we seem to focus on what is missing and what is causing

us to be miserable. That is a sure formula for becoming quite depressed:

By focusing on lack, or what is not present.

Why not turn it around and be mindful for 2 moments in our day, and take

note of what we have to be grateful for.

 

I’d love to hear back from you on what differences this has made in your life.

Namaste and Happy 2017!

Ron

Vulnerability Makes The Difference!

Vulnerability

Vulnerability Is Key

Quite often in our lives, we may find ourselves stuck, whether it be in our romantic life, at work / business, or in life in general, and yet not realize that a solution is at hand: Vulnerability.

But it may not be what we are looking for, so we discard it.

We may want something that will make us more:

  • knowledgeable
  • powerful
  • looked up to / respected
  • on top of things
  • in control

What Lies Hidden

One surprising strategy or technique that we rarely resort to, is to allow ourselves to be vulnerable.

And it is not so much a “strategy” or a “technique”, as it is a deepening / a movement towards greater authenticity.

Or as Brene Brown would say in her book Rising Strong:

People who wade into discomfort and vulnerability and tell the truth about their stories are the real badasses.

It takes great courage to allow oneself to be vulnerable in a moment of not-knowing or uncertainty.  I can’t help but wonder how many moments and powerful breakthroughs are lost, because of our inability to stay in a place of not-knowing, and to collectively express our vulnerability.

But if it is “certainty” that we seek, perhaps we are looking in the wrong place.

As the Buddhists are fond of saying:

The only thing that is permanent is impermanence.

Openness And Vulnerability Guide The Way

Perhaps it is in our very admitting of “not-knowing”, that we finally find a touchstone that is solid, that will help us guide the way?

Few of us consider it in our day to day lives, but the history of our world and species is populated by theories and systems that have become outdated, and have been replaced by brand new paradigms and ways of seeing and explaining the world.

And yet, nearly every day we are inundated by new theories or books that are definitely THE last word on the subject.

Until the next last word on the subject that is.

But what never ceases to amaze me is how easily we are seduced into believing: Yes! This is it! This pulls it all together and makes sense of everything!

Perhaps it is just me. But I think not, as there was a time that there were a lot of “Flat Earthers” out there, and psychoanalysts, and behaviorists, and laissez-faire economists, that is until the great bailout of 2008. Not to worry though, they are still out there preaching how “efficient” the invisible hand of the market is.

Just remember that though, the next time they come cap in hand, looking for billions if not trillions in government “stimulus”.

Vulnerability Just May Be The Thing

Perhaps we don’t know how it all works all the time?

Perhaps?  Maybe “humility” is what this post ought to be about?

The next time you are looking for some certainty in this uncertain world, perhaps the idea might be to jot down your assumptions and to present them as such for all to see, and then to invite comment and participation and come together in resolving a common problem.

But… that may mean letting go of the credit for “solving” the big problem. But that may be a much more comfortable and more powerful place in the long run, than going out on a limb and pretending that we “know”.

Vulnerability In Relationships

This is where “vulnerability” shines. In relationships vulnerability becomes a great source of courage and a strong connection and intimacy builder.

The next time your partner or someone you are speaking with says something that seems a bit “out there” or different from what you are expecting, take a moment to be open, to consider what they are saying. Resist that knee-jerk reaction to make a funny face, or to say “what?”

And what you will get… is that you just might find yourself entering new and uncharted territory, and entering a place with your partner that you have never visited before because you were searching for “certainty”.

Vulnerability tends to beget more vulnerability and openness.

I can almost assure you, but I don’t know for sure… that vulnerability is the place of connection.

Try it. You may be surprised at the results you get.

Has pretending to be super-human gotten us that far? Has it been a place of comfort and rest?

  • Show up
  • Be real
  • Be vulnerable
  • Connect

And watch things happen….

 

If you think that you would like some help in becoming more open and vulnerable in your life, I think that I may be able to help you.  :)

Blame: Relationship Killer!

Blame

Blame: Love Goes Astray

Arguably one of the most destructive forces in a relationship is BLAME.

The problem with blame is that it projects negative energy and intent at our loved one.

Blame rarely seeks to understand or empathize or reach out in compassion.

It is most likened to this familiar phrase:

The best defense is a good offense!

Why Do We Blame Then?

There can be many reasons for why we blame.

Some of them probably originate in our earlier years, when we were probably made to pay a high price for telling the truth by our parents.

You stepped forward and answered a question honestly when asked, and the result may have been that you were grounded for 2 weeks!

The lesson most of us learn from that is: there is a price to be paid for telling the truth.

That is highly unfortunate when children grow up learning that it is unsafe to tell the truth. Perhaps we as adults can make it safer for children to tell the truth, and make these occasions more about opportunities to learn, and less about being punished?

Lack of Responsibility

A failure or an inability to look within at our possible role in the event or outcome.

A strong fear that we may be accused of something, and be unwilling or unable to be strong enough to deal with the scrutiny that it may involve, may also lead us to blame others, if only to redirect attention away from ourselves.

A basic not owning up to our role in things.

Not owning up to our responsibilities

The Net Effect Of Blame

Here are some possible results of using blame in our communication and conflict resolution strategies:

  • what good energy may be present becomes tainted
  • people may lose respect for us
  • they may not count on us in the future
  • we may lose out on opportunities because we are deemed unreliable
  • we may initiate conflict with others by casting blame upon them
  • and worse, people may start to avoid us

In summary, the short-term focus of using blame as a way out of a difficult position may prove helpful in the short run, but in the long run the possible damage to our reputation and relationships may be incalculable!

We may be way ahead over the long haul by owning up to our actions and possible mistakes. By adopting a more lenient style with ourselves, we may also come to do so with others, and also end up fostering a more forgiving learning culture around ourselves.

Just as an aside, I remember some time ago reading about the differences in worker suggestion rates amongst American and Japanese workers. I was startled and yet not quite surprised that the average American worker submitted on average 2 suggestions per year, while the typical Japanese worker submitted in excess of 65 suggestions!

We know what has happened to the American automobile industry over the last few decades. When faced with competition from overseas manufacturers, did they tackle them head on and own up to the poor quality of their product, or “blame” the foreign manufacturers for competing unfairly and imposing tariffs?

I think we know how that one worked out. In the end, consumers voted with their dollars and purchased more reliable, higher quality import cars.

So in the end, we can decide to “blame”, and we can probably decide to keep on blaming until the cows come home, or perhaps we can listen to others in our life with open ears and open minds, and see whether we do share in some sort of accountability for what we have done.

The choice as always is up to us!

Note: If you would like to read up more on how to “stop blaming” in your relationship. Here is a book that I would highly recommend. It is a very helpful and fun read Stop Blaming Start Loving

 

 

Best Way To Avoid Having An Argument

 

Use “I” Instead Of “You”

 But if you insist on still using “You”… This can be a problem…  Why you might ask?

Well for starters, feel what it is like when someone starts off a sentence with the word “You”.

You forgot to take out the garbage.

Do we not feel somewhat mildly under attack and off balance, and possibly feel an urge to defend ourselves?

I was busy…. I’ll do it later…. Can’t you give me credit for the things that I do do?

Generally when someone starts a conversation with us by starting off with the word “you”, I think that most of us tend to get our guard up.

This tends to lead to a more defensive and less responsive atmosphere in the person receiving our message. They are likely to feel ready to defend themselves and not feel safe.

What Else Can We Do?

Do Something Different!

If we want different results, perhaps it might be best if “we” tried or did something different!

How often do we feel frustrated because we are not getting the desired results from our partner, when all along we are continuing to do the exact same thing over and over again?

Get Their Attention First: Is It A Good Time?

Next time you have something to say to your partner or somebody important in your life, try to first get their attention.

See if it is a good time to talk to them.

Most of us get this when considering asking our boss for a raise!

If the boss seems preoccupied or in a bad mood, we generally decide to forego our “asking for a raise” discussion.

But a lot of times, not so well with our partner. We often don’t see if it is a good time, or if they are in a good space to hear us. And then we launch obliviously into our “pressing” issue and wonder why we are not well received.

Starting With “I”

Now that we have their attention (ie: they are not in the middle of their favourite show, dyeing their hair, pulling apart the transmission, performing open heart surgery)

This is a good time to start.

Try starting your sentence off with an “I” instead of a “you”.

Your partner, or the person you are communicating with, will hopefully get the feeling that it is something that you are sharing with them that comes from within you.

Examples of how to start might be as follows:

  • I feel
  • I think
  • I would like to
  • I am concerned about
  • I need to talk to you about something that is bothering me
  • I am really upset about

Each of these examples are providing “information” about how we are feeling, thinking, responding, reacting to a certain situation.

The important point is that it is:

Coming from within us, and it is something we wish to share with someone. It is not the universal truth of the matter. It is our opinion, our perspective that we are needing to share with this person and would like to discuss it with them.

What To Hope For

A possible good result here, might be that the person you are speaking with:

  • listens to you
  • they are open and receptive
  • non-defensive
  • perceive that it is your opinion that you are sharing
  • they realize that you are needing to share this with them and it is important to you
  • they want to cooperate with you and do what they can to try and help you

What you might get out of the discussion:

  • you may feel heard
  • you may feel respected
  • that what you have to say is important to the other person
  • you may feel valued or cherished (romantic relationship)
  • you may feel relieved as the other person listens and offers their help and support
  • you may feel an enhanced sense of connection and bond with this person
  • and you may find yourself wanting to listen and help them out when they are having difficulties
  • AND you may feel less stressed, frustrated and quite possibly a sense of happiness and peace

OR

We can continue to do the same things (ie: use “you”), feel frustrated, stressed, aggravated, at our wits end, and continue to wonder why our partner, or the people around us, never respond to us the way we would like them to!

The question is:

Is What You Are Doing Now, Giving You The Results You Want?

The more important question might be:

Who Do We Think Is More Likely To Change First?

And Who Do We Have Power Over?

Us or Them?

I wish you good luck, but most of all, I wish you different, better and improved results, for your deciding to take a chance and trying something different!

Hope that you find these communication tips helpful to you.

Go out and “road test” them, and leave me a comment on my website. I’d love to hear how they worked for you, and also like to hear any suggestions that you may have.

Please feel free to pass along this article if you feel it was helpful. Good communication is something that I think can help anyone. Why not share the “secrets” to your new found success!

If you are having difficulty after trying out some of these techniques, or feel that you would like some one on one guidance, please feel free to email me at Ron@Ronlafleurcounsellingservices.com, or you can call me at 250-618-9550 to set up an appointment.

Good luck with your communication!

Ron Lafleur RCC

@ 2016 www.ronlafleurcounsellingservices.com

Stress Busters #2 Relationships

Relationships

Relationships Make The World Go Around

Relationships can be highly important in our day to day lives.

We may not realize the impact of them upon our quality of life until they start to go sour.

It is at that point that we really come to identify how important getting along can be to our overall state of happiness and harmony in our lives.

We Are Inter-connected

In our modern world we tend to think of ourselves as fairly independent at times. But the reality of it all, is that we are incredibly dependent upon one another for things like goods and services.

Our success is highly related to marketing ourselves, and having people buy and recommend our goods and services. It is a vast world of mutual exchange.

But not just exchanging goods and services, but also cooperating and making our lives not only easier, but more enjoyable.

Being able to get along and interact smoothly is key!

How We Handle Differences

Dealing with a myriad of different people, inevitably comes with a mixture of different opinions and perspectives.

What we do when we encounter perspectives different from our own will make all the difference.

Here are some helpful tips and things that we can do when we encounter different opinions:

  • Make sure we are listening
  • Ask to repeat if necessary
  • Acknowledge the other’s opinion
  • Ask them to explain or elaborate more on why they feel that way
  • Not tell them they are wrong, but perhaps say that we had heard or read otherwise
  • Accept that they hold a different opinion and perspective
  • Learn something from them by hearing what they have to say
  • Come away from the conversation with a broader perspective
  • Feel good about ourselves because we were able to avoid a conflict and allowed the person to hold their opinion at the same time.
  • Perhaps we will be able to make a new friend or acquaintance instead of alienating them.

Relating Well = Feeling Well

This isn’t a specifically defined formula in scientific terms.

But I would hazard a guess, that those persons who were able to relate well and harmoniously with others, would very likely experience far lower levels of stress in their daily lives.

And what better “stress buster” can there be than getting along?

When we get along, life just seems to flow that much smoother.

People may go out of their way to help us, and we may find ourselves helping them in return.

If you are having difficulty with the relationships in your life, it can make for a lot of stressful moments. If you would like some help in getting better at working through relationship problems, then I’d be very happy to help you.

Better relationships are waiting, and less stress as a result.

Call now and get started today!

Ron

 

 

 

 

 

Cooperation In Relationships

Cooperation

The Importance Of Cooperation

Most of us get into relationships because we believe that it will lead to greater happiness and fulfillment in our lives.

For a lot of us, this is true.

For a lot of us, this is also true, but it seems to come at the cost of a LOT of struggle and sometimes strife.

There must be a better way???

What Is It Like When Things Are Going Well?

Well for one, both partners seem happy.

There seems to be a lot less arguing, and more getting along.

And more getting along, if we examine what is going at a closer level, probably involves a lot more COOPERATION with each other.

There is a reason for such sayings as:

You scratch my back, I scratch yours!

If you think about it, it is a pretty blunt and highly unromantic way of looking at relationships, but it hints at an undeniable element of MUTUALITY.

That there is something in the relationship, in relating together, that will benefit both people involved.

In essence, in our relationships, hopefully what we are creating are these MUTUAL COOPERATION GROUPS. And if we can turn those into consistent MUTUAL ADMIRATION GROUPS, then we have the makings of something special and spectacular, that almost anyone would want to be involved in.

So What’s The Problem?

Why can’t we consistently cooperate, let alone admire each other for the long duration of a romantic relationship?

There are probably a lot of reasons. I’d like to suggest some of them here:

  • lack of respect for one another (Major relationship killer!)
  • lack of empathy and concern for other
  • inability to let go of our agenda and listen to the other
  • having to have things OUR way (Big one here!)
  • lack of a long term vision for the couple
  • too much stress taking away from the quality of the relationship
  • losing sight of the importance of the relationship in our lives
  • lack of conflict resolution skills

These and possibly several other problem areas can contribute to and erode the level of COOPERATION in your relationships, be they romantic, work, friendship or family.

What can help turn things around might be:

  • a willingness to cooperate
  • to see things from our partner’s perspective
  • let go of our own agenda
  • listening! really truly listening
  • a feeling of being in it together
  • wanting to help our partner achieve their dreams and resolve their problems
  • and in turn feeling like our partner has our best interests at heart as well

The benefits of being in a successful long term relationship are many, including enhanced health and well-being, and a greater enjoyment of life.

But getting to that place can be a challenge.

If you are needing help in getting back to that place of COOPERATION in your relationships, I may be able to help you get back to a life that is not just about getting by from day to day, but excelling and truly finding your happy place!

I offer services in PERSON, as well as over the PHONE, and SKYPE for your convenience worldwide.

 

 

Spring: New Beginnings!

Beginnings

Beginnings: Time For A Fresh Start

Spring is set to hit in the next few days. And just in time for us all to make a fresh start and a new beginning!

Don’t know about you, but it has been a long winter.

Finally the days are starting to get longer and we manged to get an extra hour of daylight. Now all we have to do is get used to it!

Celebrating Winter’s End

I think it would be a fabulous idea to celebrate the ending of winter.

Can you tell that I am not much for winter sports?

All of that aside, it seems to me like it would be a great idea to celebrate the end of winter and the coming of spring. I think the ancients had it right when they would celebrate the spring equinox.

Spring is that wonderful time of year when we get to come out of hibernation and celebrate the coming of new life.

Although we may wish to take a moment and pay tribute to the losses, and passing ons that we have gone through. The year 2016 started with a bang. A lot of losses and changes, and a lot of good people have left this Earth and moved on.

Let us take a moment to honour their memory.

In Tune With The Seasons

It never ceases to amaze me how we can get so out of sync with nature, and the seasons that surround us.

Whenever I stop and take a look at nature and animals in our environment, I am astounded by how their behaviour is in line with the seasons and nature. What should astound me more perhaps, is why we, man, are not also more aligned with nature!

Man The Disconnected Animal

We humans seem so disconnected to nature and our environment. We have things like “daylight savings time” and “leap year” adjustments. Of course there is a “logical” reason why we add a day to our calendar every four years: to make an adjustment.

But animals and nature seem to do just fine without any calendar adjustments.

In fact, they even seem to do rather well without daylight savings time!

Which reminds me, the adoption of daylight savings time goes back to World War I when Germany used it as a means to conserve coal. When the United States entered the war, they also adopted it. A look at this Wikipedia article on Daylight Savings Time details the whole history of how it came about and the controversies that have ensued over the years.

But the point I am alluding to, is how out of balance and out of touch we modern humans seem to be with nature.

If you really stop to think about it, a lot of us live in tall buildings. We step out of our “nests” and get into our cars, and drive to other tall buildings where we spend our days, only to return to the “nest”. What is striking is that we rarely actually ever touch our feet to the ground. What we mostly put our feet down upon is concrete or pavement. Hardly the Earth at all.

As an aside, if you would like to read up on a topic that is very interesting, please have a look at this article on grounding or “Earthing” as some like to call it. What it is, is a fascinating look at how “grounding” our human energetic field to the Earth can help to promote and sustain health in many ways. This used to be something that we did regularly when we were less so called “civilized” and living in nature.

For a more thorough, and science backed view on the subject, you can have a look at this excellent read called: Earthing: The Most Important Health Discovery Ever?

Long Live Spring!

In the next few days, let us all take advantage of the new energy that spring will bestow upon us. Let us cast off the old and embrace the new.

I hope that spring’s healing comes into your life and blesses it and carries you along with its healing and regenerative energies.

Long live spring! Long live life!

Namaste

Ron

Loving What Is: The Work by Byron Katie

Byron Katie

Loving What Is: The Work

Every once in awhile, a book comes out that is a real watershed moment in terms of helping us to see reality from a different perspective.

Byron Katie’s Loving What Is, is just such a book.

After a difficult life filled with many problems, among them alcohol abuse, she woke up one day to realize that she had been filling her head with all kinds of “stories” that had been making her life miserable and unworkable.

The Work Is Born

After thinking about her situation and the thoughts that she had been thinking about her reality, what emerged was that essentially she herself was creating her own “personal” interpretation or “spin” on reality, and it was making her life miserable and unworkable.

Loving What Is: The Core Concepts

In Byron Katie’s book, Loving What Is, she lays down 4 fundamental questions.

Questions that anyone can use at anytime, to come up with a completely different view of one’s perceived reality.

The 4 Questions:

  1. Is that true?

Each day we make dozens if not hundreds of statements, either to ourselves or others without examining the absolute truth of those statements.

For example, if we had plans with somebody and they are late, we may say something like this:

“They are so inconsiderate. I swear they are doing it on purpose”

Often times we say or think statements like this without any challenge whatsoever. We become judge, jury, and executioner in our minds.

2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true?

Upon challenging the statement above, how do we know that it is absolutely true?

Have we asked the person whether they are deliberately trying to be late to upset us?

Or have we falsely concluded, oftentimes to our advantage, without checking in to see what may be going on inside of that person.

3. How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?

This is key!

When we think thoughts like: “They are so inconsiderate. I swear they are doing it on purpose.” we often feel and make ourselves upset.

We feel badly by thinking a thought that we have often not taken the time to substantiate, and may let it cloud or ruin our day, or days even. Things may go on even longer.

All because we may have assumed, and we went on to form a negative judgment about the person’s character instead of their behaviour.

4. Who would you be without the thought?

This is an incredible question if you think about it!

What it hints at, is that we have the power to determine how we feel, by deciding how we will think!

If we didn’t think this thought: “They are so inconsiderate. I swear they are doing it on purpose,” what might happen?

We might not get upset. What might even go so far as to say:

“We might not upset ourselves!”

Now isn’t that taking full responsibility for our emotions and well-being on a level that we are mostly not accustomed to.

The thought, that by choosing our thoughts and our interpretations of events differently, that we are able to change “How We Feel” and “To Free Ourselves”.

Thoughts are things. They effect how we feel.

But who is forcing us to think those thoughts?

I know… I know…. if only they weren’t doing that thing that ticks us off so much, then we could be happy. Is that too much to ask?

It may or may not be, but I would suggest that one thing may be clearer, that in that moment, we are giving the responsibility and the power over our happiness into the hands of another.

And that is a formula for feeling powerless, and in the worse case, depressed.

If our happiness depends upon whether someone does or says something, then we have a problem!

The Turnaround

This is where Byron Katie really takes us into an extraordinary way of looking at things differently!

If we return back to the sample sentence that I used for step 1:

“They are so inconsiderate. I swear they are doing it on purpose.”

Byron Katie would have us look at this statement and “turn it around.”

For example, instead of “They are so inconsiderate”, is it possible that WE are being inconsiderate by not bothering to think that something may have come up for the other person and is causing them to be late?

Possible turnarounds that causes us to look at OUR OWN behaviour and thinking is:

Am I being considerate?

Is this all about me?

Am I living my life on purpose?

These are but a few possible examples, of how Byron Katie might suggest we turnaround our initial thoughts, and examine them more deeply.

The Conclusion

In reading Loving What Is we may come away with the incredibly powerful realization, that it was always us who was insulting us!

That what we think has so much more power to effect how we feel then what anybody could possibly say or do!

There are exceptions of course, but in large part, we may find it powerfully revealing to see how what we think, and how we interpret things, people and events, is incredibly much more powerful in determining our state of mind and emotions.

Once we wake up to this powerful realization, we may then think:

Do I want to give up my own personal happiness and well-being to what someone else says or does?

The book provides a rare and amazing opportunity to see the workings of a great mind, gently and genuinely asking and challenging a client about how they feel, and how they can change their thoughts for the better.

Let me know what you think if you decide to read Loving What Is. Would love to hear your take on it.

Namaste.